Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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