Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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