i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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