I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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