Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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