he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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