yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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