This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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