i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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