I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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