even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
