Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
