Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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