im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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