i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
