i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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