Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't notice because vodka
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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