I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize