hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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