i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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