i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
