i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
