last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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