is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
