Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
