if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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