Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
