I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
