I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
