I checked into jail on foursquare
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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