me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm bleeding and have questions
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
