There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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