I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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