my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
