He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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