I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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