apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
