just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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