Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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