You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
