i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
