i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
