Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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