I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
