sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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