dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
