Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
