I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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