Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
