how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
