I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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