i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
