You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
