I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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