was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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