Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
