I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
