Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
