I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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