Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
