Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That's intense
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
